Comic film starring "Despicable Me" sidekicks fails to impress.
Sidekicks, it seems, are the new protagonists. Don’t ask me what this is all about. I think I know, but I’m worried the answer will offend someone.
Okay, seriously. This trend can trace its roots back to 2011 with Pixar’s mediocre Cars 2. Whether or not it can go farther is not my business currently. Since then, we’ve seen a number of other sidekick stories that are usually okay at best and a waste of time at worst. The Penguins of Madagascar is the most recent, with the exception of this article’s subject. Of all these, only Puss in Boots has struck me as being really worth my while. Granted, I didn’t hate Penguins, but if it came to a choice between that and a Pokemon movie, I’d go with the latter.
Now we have Minions: an unnecessarily long film about the little yellow guys who work for Gru and popularized the Despicable Me movies. Now don’t get me wrong, I like the minions; who doesn’t? I can’t imagine a Despicable Me movie without them. They were one of the reasons the two movies were good.
But the missing ingredients that made the first movie great are very obvious here: the little girls that Gru uses for his villainous plan and who ultimately change his heart. Without a dynamic character, this movie suffers from a staleness that rivals Cars 2. At least while Cars focused on Mater too much, Lightning McQueen still had enough time in the spotlight so that the movie wasn’t a complete bore.
Not so with Minions. No, in this movie, there is next to zero character development. But then, what did I expect? The minions were not created to develop. They were not created to build a story around. So what are they supposed to be? Comic relief sidekicks. They are supposed to be the extra ingredient that makes a good movie great. They can’t make a great movie by themselves, much less a good movie.
So what was the point of making a film revolve completely around them? Marketing, of course. They’re the biggest drivers of the Despicable Me franchise. But they can only give it a name. Without Gru and the girls, that’s all the franchise is. But because of these dynamic characters, the franchise becomes more than that: it develops heart and soul. And that is what makes the movies great and good respectively...and why Minions is nothing compared to them.
All this talk and we haven’t even gotten into the movie’s plot yet. Well, to be honest, that’s probably for the better; it sucks. Basically, the minions are a species that has one objective: to serve a boss. The problem is that they can’t keep a boss. After many centuries of failure, they take refuge in an isolated cave, but they quickly lose charisma because they have no boss. Finally, one of them, Kevin, decides to go and find a boss. He is accompanied by Stuart while an energetic Bob tags along. And thus the madness begins.
Honestly, I would’ve just preferred the madness to this plot. It’s that dumb. Plus, in one of the short films that came with the first Despicable Me, it is said that minions are created from one strand of mutated DNA. This implies, for me at least, that the minions were Gru’s creation as opposed to a millennia-old species. That makes a thousand times more sense than the plot of this movie, and I’m sticking with that when it comes to the canon of this universe.
The other characters in this film are even more obnoxious and soulless than the minions themselves. Queen Elizabeth gets a role in the film, but she’s nothing but a satire of the real deal. I don’t know if that’s disrespectful or just plain satire. Either way, I was repulsed by her depiction. On the other hand, a family of villains picks our heroes – er, sidekicks – up at one point to get them somewhere. They don’t play any important role beyond that, but they still show up every now and again, and they’re always supporting the minions. That’s one of the few aspects of this film I like, but more on that later.
Sandra Bullock plays villainess Scarlet Overkill, who initially hires the minions. Later, however, she turns and becomes the antagonist. I don’t really keep tabs on celebrities, but I know Bullock is a good actress. Why did she waste her talent on this film?
Thankfully, the movie isn’t all bad. While Scarlet is overkill (no pun intended) as a poorly constructed character, I thought she used some pretty original gadgets. Also, the energetic Bob is a total sweetheart. While he’s nothing compared to the girls in the other films, especially Agnes, his innocence and kindness warmed my heart. And for all its flaws, I did think the film’s climax was decent at the very least. And the end of the film was also very cute. It was definitely one of the best parts (if not the best part), and that’s not because it ended the woes of the viewers. So what was it? Well, I’d tell you, but I think this is the one part of the film I shouldn’t spoil. Even if you skip this movie, feel free to look up the ending; you won’t be disappointed.
Sadly, all these perks couldn’t save this movie from feeling like a waste of ninety minutes of my life. Granted, it was more tolerable, but I can think of plenty of other ways to spend those ninety minutes. And if you take my word for it, so can you.
On the other hand, if your kids love the minions, they might enjoy this movie. My six-year-old sister loved it, but I would’ve said the same thing if I was her age.
1.25/5 stars
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